zenebework: "the gold rain"

there are so many stories and pictures and memories to share, but i'm losing the motivation to blog. i was going to write about the leper village in addis where some of my friends live and minister. i was also thinking about posting the essay i read to middle schoolers in khayelitsha, near cape town, south africa. i think i would just rather tell you about my experiences in person. show you the pictures and the express the emotions that come with them. who knows when i'll write in this again, but for now, a little less time on the computer is welcome.

bible stories

Written 8.2.09

"...I also have decided that one of my favorite Bible stories is when Jesus heals the blind man by spitting in the dirt and rubbing mud in his eyes. I love that story because it's messy. It's so random, so out of the norm of what a healing was perceived to be. Jesus didn't care what people thought and I admire that about him so much.I love that Jesus never lived according to others' expectations of him, and I desperately want to live the same way."

A Few Thoughts on Kenya

Written 9.28.09

Why must the words “hope” and “Africa” seem to sound so odd at times, when put together in such a positive context? The Hope of all hopes, Jesus Christ, has poured out himself for all mankind. The Holy Spirit is just as powerful and present there as it is anywhere else. Yet we get bogged down by the news, rumors and corruption. You get discouraged. I get frustrated.

AIDS. Malaria. Starvation. Unethical governments. Drought. War. Violence. Lack of Education. Lack of clean water. Lack of ambition...the list of issues our brothers and sisters face a half a world away goes on, and how do we deal? Do we continue to invest money? Do we pray with half a mustard seed of faith that anything could possibly change there? Do we grow apathetic and close the door to our bubble of comfort so the world can't come in?

May I propose that Hope is as strong there as anywhere else? So what does hope look like anyway? Is it that “...thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without words, And never stops at all?” (Dickinson, Emily. “Hope is that thing with feathers...” The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson. Ed. Rachel Wetzsteon. New York: Barnes & Noble Classics, 2003. 22-23.)

I think maybe it is. Dare I say it's more obvious there than it is anywhere else I've seen.

That's the thing. I struggled with that. I struggled with the fact that Naomi and Raphael and all the other people we met were so full of joy and forgiveness...and hope. Despite post-election violence, tribal and religious factions, uncertainty about the future...these people have the faith I have continued to seek since I met them earlier this summer.

I struggle because I learned something about myself that left me broken. My hope is too often based on my circumstances. I am so incredibly dependent on myself and my skills. I have been my own back-up in case God fails me.

For our Kenyan brothers and sisters, there is no back up. There is no plan B. They live in faith because they have to.

I realize more and more that I have to as well.

For the past several months, I have been learning to trust God in a way I never have before. First it was my job loss. Then 3 months in Africa. Now I'm back, and I wonder what tomorrow holds. And the day after that. And the month after that. I have no clue. I have no back up plan. I am learning to trust God.

And you know what? It's been the most incredible adventure I could ever ask for. I have learned that I am only a small part of the body. At times it's very humbling, because I can't do much on my own. Other times, it's incredibly encouraging because I am not alone.

1 Corinthians 12 says: “Now the body is not made up on one part but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be a part of the body. And if the ear should say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were in eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be...The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable...If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

We are a part of the same body as our fellow believers across the ocean. We need them as much as they need us. They are learning from us, yes, but we have so much to learn from them. We cannot only suffer with them in their trials. We must also rejoice in their victories, because their truimphs are ours as well. We must celebrate their Hope, because it is our Hope, too.

dear life, i enjoy you

last night was my going away party. kris and heather did a fantastic job putting it together, and i am still on cloud nine from the company, the awesome music, the perfect weather, the amazing food, and the love that was poured over me last night. i will take all that love, thank you, and pack it with me to africa. i know i will need it!

things are continuing to come together, working themselves out and falling into place. i have to thank the Lord for His continued patience with me because i've been consistently freaking out about something new and different every day. trust is HUGE, especially for a person like me who really likes (shall i say addicted to?) being in control. life is such an adventure! every day there is something new to learn or see or say or touch or embrace. i love it.

i was thinking this morning about life, about how much i've grown and changed, even from a few years back. i'm not the same person i was even a year ago, and i am so INCREDIBLY thankful for that! i wouldn't trade my life now for anything else or different. it can get a little (sometimes a lot) messy, and God redeems that part of me too, fortunately.

let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for i have put my trust in you; show me the way i should go, for to you i lift up my soul. -Psalms

almost here

i woke up this morning and realized ellie's run is the day after tomorrow. i can't believe it. this event has been a labor of love for me, for all of us, and i can't wait to see it come together on saturday morning. we have more than twice as many registrants as last year, more publicity than ever, and i can't even tell you how many posters we put up around the greater nashville area.

it's amazing to look back on life for any stretch of time and see how God has orchestrated and worked everything for his good and glory. this is one of those moments. my passion for africa took seed years ago before i graduated high school, i think. after a bout of frustration during college due to my lack of involvement and closed door after closed door, i gave my desire to the Lord, knowing that if he wanted me to be a part of the work in developing countries in Africa, he would work it out.

and He did.

about a year and a half after that surrender, i had the opportunity (and priviledge, might i add) to get involved in ellie's run for africa, an event i had admired from afar for a couple years already at that point. now into my second year, i can't help but smile at what an amazing adventure it has been.

i have 2 reasons for doing this, and they go hand in hand. first, i have an outlet for my passion to make a difference. in 2 days, hundreds and hundreds (hopefully we'll meet our goal of 1K this year) of people will come together to raise money to put kids in school in kibera, kenya at calvary christian school and also emmanuel vocational school. these kids will have uniforms, books and shoes because people in nashville love these kids, even though most of us have never even met them. isn't that incredible?! second, i love the people i volunteer with to make this happen. every person who is a part of the planning process has become a friend and a mentor who pushed me to become a better person. their love and passion for these kids inspires me. their sacrifices motivate me. i can't believe that i am surrounded by such amazing amazing people. i don't know how i got to this place, but i'm so grateful, so humbled, and so amazed at what God can do with his people when they are willing.

after all this reflection on my desire to make a difference and all our hard work, i'm reminded that it's really not about me. or us. not even the slightest. it's about something so much bigger. something we can't even grasp in our humanness. this is about Love. Love that wrecks our worlds and redeems each one.

i'll see you on saturday!


if you can't run, but want to be a part of ERFA '09 click here.