mondaymonday

yesterday was unlike any other monday i've ever experienced. i prefer it that way. From 9am-9pm doug sanders took me on a crash course through homelessness in nashville. i met a lot of different kinds of people, from those seeking out ways to get involved in helping the homeless in nashville, to the police commander of the central precinct. i am incredibly inspired by doug, jeannie, and others who know the homeless individuals by name, sleep on the streets with them, find employment opportunities for those looking, and washing countless feet, both literally and figuratively. i felt closer to where i want to be in the company of these faithful, determined world-changers. their challenges are plenty, and their passion is abundant...this day is another small step in the continued journey of discovering out what i should do. what i want to do. what i am created to do.

new life.

today, all things are made new! i receive this truth with much excitement and anticipation. for those who follow Christ and his teachings, each day brings the promise of possibility, adventure, and peace. there is nothing safe or easy about this path, yet it is a good path to follow.

lately, my schedule consists of scattered odd jobs and part-time gigs that help make the ends meet. this current season provides a lot of time for reading, reflection, and refinement. lots of refinement. i am a sucker for excitement and recent days have felt more like an endless hike in 110 degree weather through the thickest sludge of my messy life. and there are mosquitos. and no water. it's not fun. at the same time, my eternally optimistic personality also sees this hike as its own adventure, the kind of adventure that's miserable to go through but makes a good story 24 hours later. i know and see God's hand guiding me through this necessary process. i am grateful that his love for me refuses to allow me to stay the way i am!

i recently read this book, this book, and this book. in less than a week. now i feel like i can do ANYTHING. not joking. i am insanely inspired, and i am planning on riding this train for a while because the alternative is less than desirable. 

i decided yesterday that i'm not going to say no to anything. now that i put the resolution out there, some totally awkward or embarrassing or immoral opportunity will come my way. but i am unemployed (again). i have lots of time. what do i have to lose? i have the opportunity to learn new things, meet people i've never met before, be creative, write my own story (and stop worrying about others' stories), and enjoy being outside. 

today is day one. day one of new life. day one of possibilities. i am excited and full of hope.

zenebework: "the gold rain"

there are so many stories and pictures and memories to share, but i'm losing the motivation to blog. i was going to write about the leper village in addis where some of my friends live and minister. i was also thinking about posting the essay i read to middle schoolers in khayelitsha, near cape town, south africa. i think i would just rather tell you about my experiences in person. show you the pictures and the express the emotions that come with them. who knows when i'll write in this again, but for now, a little less time on the computer is welcome.

bible stories

Written 8.2.09

"...I also have decided that one of my favorite Bible stories is when Jesus heals the blind man by spitting in the dirt and rubbing mud in his eyes. I love that story because it's messy. It's so random, so out of the norm of what a healing was perceived to be. Jesus didn't care what people thought and I admire that about him so much.I love that Jesus never lived according to others' expectations of him, and I desperately want to live the same way."

What are we going to do?

Written 8.25.09

It’s a cool Tuesday evening in Ayat, just outside Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. It’s been a beautiful day spent with babies, toddlers and kids waiting to be adopted through Gladney. I read letters to kids from their new families, took pictures of kids smiling and playing. I danced with kids to Amharic worship music and was fed handfuls of injera by those same lovely children. We sang songs together and shared plenty of hugs and kisses.

So now I’m in my little flat in Ayat resizing pictures and writing updates on these kids for their parents, who are eagerly waiting to come get them back in the U.S.

As I work, BBC World News is on, and my mind goes back to Kenya. There has been a segment running on BBC about Kenya and the food shortage they are facing. World Food Program says that 1 in 10 people in Kenya are in need of food assistance.

It’s been 5 weeks since I left Kenya knowing about their food shortage. We made a trip to Kitui to meet and spend time with the people affected by the missing rains.

Still, very little has been done by the Kenyan government to bring relief. I can’t help but feel frustration and indignation towards these men and women that wear nice suits and run their country while their fellow Kenyans face real starvation. It’s real. So real. I’ve met these people. I’ve played with them and celebrated their birthdays with them. I’ve hugged them and finger painted with them. I’ve sat with them, prayed with them and talked with them.

Then we got in a van and drove away. But they are still there, and as I watch this segment on the news I continue to stew over what little has been done by the government to bring relief.

I get so upset with the government, but I already know government can’t solve our problems. Never have, never will. Jesus didn’t say to wait for the government to solve anyone’s problems. He set it upon his followers to care for the poor, the sick, the widows, the orphans. It’s not up the government. It’s up to the Church.

So now my frustration is redirected. Are we doing anything? Are we praying for rain in Kitui, Kenya? Are we doing what we can to bring relief to those in need halfway around the world? Love your neighbor as yourself. And who is my neighbor? Jesus was asked that before, and he told the story about the Good Samaritan. I’m pretty sure there are people waiting to be cared for in Kenya, praying for God’s faithfulness to be revealed to them. You and I have the opportunity to participate where God is at work, to be used by him to bring heaven to earth.

So here it goes. What are we going to do?

A Few Thoughts on Kenya

Written 9.28.09

Why must the words “hope” and “Africa” seem to sound so odd at times, when put together in such a positive context? The Hope of all hopes, Jesus Christ, has poured out himself for all mankind. The Holy Spirit is just as powerful and present there as it is anywhere else. Yet we get bogged down by the news, rumors and corruption. You get discouraged. I get frustrated.

AIDS. Malaria. Starvation. Unethical governments. Drought. War. Violence. Lack of Education. Lack of clean water. Lack of ambition...the list of issues our brothers and sisters face a half a world away goes on, and how do we deal? Do we continue to invest money? Do we pray with half a mustard seed of faith that anything could possibly change there? Do we grow apathetic and close the door to our bubble of comfort so the world can't come in?

May I propose that Hope is as strong there as anywhere else? So what does hope look like anyway? Is it that “...thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without words, And never stops at all?” (Dickinson, Emily. “Hope is that thing with feathers...” The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson. Ed. Rachel Wetzsteon. New York: Barnes & Noble Classics, 2003. 22-23.)

I think maybe it is. Dare I say it's more obvious there than it is anywhere else I've seen.

That's the thing. I struggled with that. I struggled with the fact that Naomi and Raphael and all the other people we met were so full of joy and forgiveness...and hope. Despite post-election violence, tribal and religious factions, uncertainty about the future...these people have the faith I have continued to seek since I met them earlier this summer.

I struggle because I learned something about myself that left me broken. My hope is too often based on my circumstances. I am so incredibly dependent on myself and my skills. I have been my own back-up in case God fails me.

For our Kenyan brothers and sisters, there is no back up. There is no plan B. They live in faith because they have to.

I realize more and more that I have to as well.

For the past several months, I have been learning to trust God in a way I never have before. First it was my job loss. Then 3 months in Africa. Now I'm back, and I wonder what tomorrow holds. And the day after that. And the month after that. I have no clue. I have no back up plan. I am learning to trust God.

And you know what? It's been the most incredible adventure I could ever ask for. I have learned that I am only a small part of the body. At times it's very humbling, because I can't do much on my own. Other times, it's incredibly encouraging because I am not alone.

1 Corinthians 12 says: “Now the body is not made up on one part but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be a part of the body. And if the ear should say, 'Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were in eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be...The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable...If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

We are a part of the same body as our fellow believers across the ocean. We need them as much as they need us. They are learning from us, yes, but we have so much to learn from them. We cannot only suffer with them in their trials. We must also rejoice in their victories, because their truimphs are ours as well. We must celebrate their Hope, because it is our Hope, too.

haha.

i am still alive. yes, so much better than alive. i'm living life to the fullest and sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's fun, but every moment is beautiful.

i have so much to say. i have seen and smelled and touched and heard and tasted so many things that i want to share. being the perfectionist that i am, it's hard to condense each of these experiences into small summaries, and it doesn't even seem fair to try and do that...but i still want to try. so expect more when i land back on american soil.

i'm in cape town at the moment and it's hard to believe home is next week. next week. so many people ask me what's next...my answer?

i have no idea and couldn't be more excited.

:)

just breathe.

so i kind of feel like i got the wind knocked out of me. i have experienced so many emotions and thoughts today, it's overwhelming. yesterday's encounter with serious poverty combined with today's journey into nairobi's slums mixed with the serious joy these people have has totally messed me up and leaves me completely humbled.

we visited two church services this morning. the first was at calvary christian church, which is the host church and building to calvary christian school which we've been supporting through ellie's run the past few years. it was great to be there, even surreal. we left our welcome early to catch the last half of the emmanuel church's service. emmanuel church is the host church behind emmanuel vocational school, which we have recently started supporting and helped to finish building. i talked with grace and naomi today, two of the ladies that go to the church and i asked them the story about rebuilding the vocational school. after the presidential election in 2007, there was an outbreak of voilence and kibera felt the brunt of it. the vocational school and pastor's home were set on fire and the church building was damaged. there were many things stolen. thankfully, no one was at the church at the time and no one was hurt. this was both a political, tribal and religious ordeal.

i met tito today, the director for african leadership in sudan, and hearing him talk about the challenges and starvation his family and community are facing blows me away. this is real. it's really real. and i'm the closest i've ever been to it. i've read and researched and poured the stats about all of these stories that take place in faraway lands, and now i'm looking at it, smelling it, holding it, conversing with it.

i don't understand many things. i don't understand slums or poverty. i don't understand near starvation. i don't know how anyone can justify war when you see the effects violence has on people. i don't understand how people with nothing have so much joy. it totally baffles me. not only do they have nothing, but they continually have more taken from them each day - that's the most mind-blowing part of it all. yet they still sing songs of thanksgiving and praise and thanks to Jesus. having nothing but Jesus = true happiness. a simple sunday school lesson, but it's hard to digest in real life. i love Jesus. i love how he is contrary to everything this world offers. America tells me to want more, to have more, to strive for more. Jesus tells me to drop my nets and follow Him. leave everything. have nothing. and even when it's taken from me, i praise him anyhow.

the kenyans have a simple phrase they quote often, regardless of where we go, "God is good all the time and all the time God is good, for that is his nature."

wow.

dear life, i enjoy you

last night was my going away party. kris and heather did a fantastic job putting it together, and i am still on cloud nine from the company, the awesome music, the perfect weather, the amazing food, and the love that was poured over me last night. i will take all that love, thank you, and pack it with me to africa. i know i will need it!

things are continuing to come together, working themselves out and falling into place. i have to thank the Lord for His continued patience with me because i've been consistently freaking out about something new and different every day. trust is HUGE, especially for a person like me who really likes (shall i say addicted to?) being in control. life is such an adventure! every day there is something new to learn or see or say or touch or embrace. i love it.

i was thinking this morning about life, about how much i've grown and changed, even from a few years back. i'm not the same person i was even a year ago, and i am so INCREDIBLY thankful for that! i wouldn't trade my life now for anything else or different. it can get a little (sometimes a lot) messy, and God redeems that part of me too, fortunately.

let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for i have put my trust in you; show me the way i should go, for to you i lift up my soul. -Psalms